Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Ryoohki's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, July 23rd, 2011
10:42 am	Pain of being me I'm glad I still have this journal. I put on a smile every time I go out but thats not really me. Sometimes I truly believe I could be an actor the way I go out into the world with a smile on my face while deep down I really have nothing to smile for. My last entry was about how I was scared of turning 28. Well here I am 28 and still nothings changed for the better. I'm still pathetic and lost with no future. Just empty dreams. Current Mood: worried words of wisdom
Thursday, October 8th, 2009
12:58 pm	The Pain of Change      Change is a scary thing. Even if its good or "better', it can still be a frightening ordeal. Its been 8 years since I left high school. Friends come and go but I never really cared much until one of my friends got a promotion and left Hilo. Then another friend left to Kona...and another. Friends are having children, starting careers, moving on with their lives. Routines and traditions are lost and yet life has to go on. I feel like im being left behind. I leave for Japan soon. Maybe i'll never return. My heart is there right now. Hopefully in the arms of someone who cares. I'm 26 years old. When I turn 27, I will be in another country away from everyone that cares about me. That is the scariest thought I am haunted with right now. That is my burden. My Pain of change. words of wisdom
Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
12:19 pm	What the hell do you want from me How many trials do I have to go through to get something good in my life. Why did you have to take her from me. She was the best girl for me and I loved her so much...why did she have to break up with me...long distance relationships shouldnt be that hard...why did you have me meet someone so wonderful for such a short time...didnt I deserve to be with her...I loved her...I hate this... Current Mood: crushed words of wisdom
Thursday, May 28th, 2009
4:36 pm	Happyness If you truly love someone, distance doesnt matter. I love Misato and even though we're four thousand miles apart, my feelings for her remain the same. I cannot describe how happy I am with her. I can only hope that this is the last time i'll have to fall in love with someone again. Because this time, I feel like I picked the right girl for me. Now all I have to do is hold on to her tightly and never let go. Love you Misato. Love you so much. Current Mood: loved words of wisdom
Sunday, May 10th, 2009
9:33 pm	The pain of unhappy Ending... Why does fate put us down hard paths...to have two individuals fall in love two weeks before one leaves the country forever...my life has never been a happy one...but I'd like to think I have been pretty strong surviving such hardships even though I would have never done it without such wonderful friends and grandparents...I wish I knew what to do...she wants to try to end it now so it will hurt less when she leaves...this seems like the most rational choice but to deny 2 weeks of happy memories for it feels like a waste...Wouldnt it have been the perfect ending if I had my way though...I applied to JET program last year and If I got accepted and appointed to the place I had requested, by chance I would have gone to the same place she lived about the same time she left to go back home...but of course I wasnt accepted by JET...and im still financially dead so moving there is not an option...the only glimmer of hope is that one day fate would bring us together somehow...but it wont be anytime soon and waiting would be a waste of time...so all I can do is watch her leave my life for now...chotto kanashiina... I am truely grateful for all she has done for me though. After all...she saved me from the darkness. Current Mood: sad words of wisdom
Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
2:48 am	Happy Endings I like watching endings to tv series. I just watched the ending for Battlestar Galactica. Although it makes me sad that I wont get to see anymore of it, at least it ended with me being satisfied with the way it went. I hope I get a happy ending in my life. That and all my friends is what keeps me going... Current Mood: content words of wisdom
Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
3:41 am	Pain of Returning So here I am again. Although I have not changed all that much since I used to write here. I am still lonely and emo and have no direction in life. The only positives ive gained since 2003 were a slight confidence gain and maybe some charisma as well. I dont think im ugly either. But still I epic fail at moments where I probably could accomplish something. Its been two years since I graduated from college and I have been living in Hilo trapped in small town while I desire more. I might have had the potential for greatness once. Now I am just pathetic. Well at least I have places to vent so I dont have to do it to my friends so often :P so yea the cabbit is back. Current Mood: bored [1] Words of enlightenment /words of wisdom
Sunday, April 19th, 2009
11:50 pm	176 weeks later I come back to see that this account is still active. That's pretty funny. words of wisdom
Tuesday, July 13th, 2004
1:13 am	Sorry if I dont update as often as I used to...but there isnt anything I can write that wont make people sad...current events: John dropped out of college...In other news I have no place to stay next semester...Missing: Mother and Father...ah well not like Im trying to find out where they live...Wanted: Job...well and a nice girl to be at my side... words of wisdom
Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
1:49 am	Ataris - In this diary Being grown up isnt half as fun as growing up these are the best days of our lives the only thing that matters is to follow your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right... less then a week until YESS camp...time to get serious... words of wisdom
Sunday, March 14th, 2004
2:26 am	Today I bought a Makahiki Ticket words of wisdom
Friday, March 12th, 2004
3:01 am	My lifes going no where...I have no graduation date...I have no plans after graduation...I have no life outside of Final Fantasy 11...I dont have a life inside of Final Fantasy 11...I havnt left my room in 2 days...tomorrow I might hurt someone who I've loved for so many years...i've bled so much I dont know how im still alive...and yet I still go on... [2] Words of enlightenment /words of wisdom
Saturday, March 6th, 2004
2:43 am	Last YESS camp meeting before camp...afraid? I think not...I fear nothing...well maybe I fear immortality but i'll find a way out of it..I hope words of wisdom
Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
2:26 am	I am so tired... words of wisdom
Monday, February 23rd, 2004
1:09 am	yup im still single...any girl wanna help me end this almost 21 year dateless streak? words of wisdom
Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
12:24 am	I spent the weekend alone in my room... words of wisdom
Saturday, February 14th, 2004
1:51 am	My life sucks...plain and simple...The anti-depressant pill thier making me take gives me the biggest headache ever...not to mention I couldnt eat anything today without throwing it up...to top the day off the one circle k project I had time to go and actually wanted to go to...I get shafted...screw them... words of wisdom
Sunday, February 8th, 2004
3:20 am	Miss the punahou carnival for the first time in 3 years...so much for friendship...sucks to have no friends... words of wisdom
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
2:54 am	The joy of programming... words of wisdom
Monday, February 2nd, 2004
1:05 am	Why is that the only way I seem to get over a girl is to get hung over another girl... words of wisdom